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Portfolio > ETFs > Broad Market

'Tis the Month Before Christmas

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‘Tis the month before Christmas, a year to remember
So many waiting for an end to December.
I sat at my desk, which now was at home.
I glanced out the window, then answered my phone.

A client, upset, I could tell in a flash.
Their question concerned their value in cash.
What’s got you upset? I asked with my heart
Because I suspected, his account would depart.

The market, the market, it’s that which I fear.
I haven’t a clue what’s in store for next year.
Have you noticed the Nasdaq up 30%
While your money fund returns are measured in cents?

The market surprised us in a good way,
So why aren’t you cheering on this very day?
You say the market is causing your pains,
While your biggest worry is capital gains.

His attitude changed from sour to nice,
And (whew) he agreed to follow advice.
I watched the snow fall, a minute or two,
The phone rang again. Getting busy, who knew?

This client was grim, for a different reason,
Maybe lack of light in this winter season?
His mood was low, so many deaths you see,
I told him to avoid CNN on TV.

His concern was legit, yes, I’ll give him that.
I saw where this was going, right off the bat.
Provide for your family, if you disappear,
Is that the problem that you most fear?

The answer was yes, he said with assurance,
I knew, in a flash, he needs more insurance.
He bought a big policy, we signed it online,
What a big ticket! My December’s just fine.

Not everyone suffered, throughout 2020,
Because my next caller was making plenty.
He hoarded TP, in a move very wise,
Which he sold to hawk masks and cleaning supplies.

He was bringing in bucks, of that he was glad,
Now Christmas is coming, and he’s a good dad.
I told him to stop his bragging and raving,
And put all that cash in the kid’s college savings.

When you were young, college cost 20 grand.
Today, that gets textbooks in Ivy League land.
He wrote a big check, although he turned pale.
When the kids are all ready, they might go to Yale.

My Zoom caller was fiftyish. Retirement beckons.
The virus has scared him. Quit early, he reckons.
He wants to talk numbers to see if it works,
And not tell the wife that he’s been quite a jerk.

The news was good, I was quite pleased to say.
After a 10-year bull market, you can quit any day.
I watched on the screen as he leaped from his seat,
And told his dear lady, his targets I beat.

I called it a day, let my laptop go dark,
And said, what I need is a walk in the park.
I rose from my desk and saw with a glance,
Leaving the house means finding my pants.

Merry Christmas.

— Related: 10 Classy Holiday Gifts for Clients Under $100


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