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It’s tax season — not the happiest time of the year. In fact, folks that owe money may be reduced to tears. But you know what they say: The only certainties in life are death and taxes. We all pay taxes, so we might as well laugh about them.

Here are some jokes and one-liners that might make you or your clients smile. And if you don’t use them up, save them for next year. They don’t depreciate.

1. For the Moms and Dads

You can never appreciate your kids more than at tax time.

(From Jokes4 us)

(Image: Shutterstock)

2. One Reason Not to Play the Lottery

Whoever wins the Mega Millions jackpot will make history ...

They'll be the first billionaire to pay taxes.

(From Upjoke)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

3. Something’s Fishy

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

(From Upjoke)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

4. How to Choose an Accountant

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after him.

(From Groco)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

5. So That’s What Tax Reform Means

“Tax reform is when you take the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and put taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.” — Art Buchwald

(Image: Shutterstock)

6. Cheesy Joke

Why doesn’t the IRS audit cows?

Because the farmer milked them dry.

(From Jokes 4 us)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

7. You’re Killing Me

“It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.” — humorist Dave Barry

(Image: Adobe Stock)

8. A Fairy Tale

The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his 4-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”

(From Unijokes)

(Image: Shutterstock)

9. Well, That’s a Relief

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor said, "We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

"Thank God," returned the taxpayer. "I thought you were going to want cash.”

(From Workjoke)

(Image: Shutterstock)

10. Oh, Now I Get It

Client: What's the difference between the short form and the long form?

Accountant: If you use the short form, the IRS gets all your money. If you use the long form, I get all your money!

(From Richard White, CPA)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

11. He Nailed It

A professor of taxation delivers a highly detailed, brilliant lecture drawing the distinction between tax avoidance and tax evasion. He then asks his brightest student, "Tell us succinctly what the difference is between tax avoidance and tax evasion." The student replies: "Jail."

(From Richard White, CPA)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

12. Now I Understand ...

Ever wonder how Form 1040 got its name?

For every $50 you earn, you get $10, they get $40.

(From CPA Exam Maven)

(Image: Shutterstock)

13. A Little Political Humor

What’s the difference between death and taxes?

Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

(From BJM)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

14. I Was Wondering Where They Lived

Where do homeless accountants live?

In a tax shelter.

(Source: EmailStopwatch)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

15. That’s Not Fine

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing well.

(From Sansiba San Flippo)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

16. Red Flag Alert

Worried about an IRS audit?

Avoid what’s called a red flag.

That’s something the IRS always looks for.

For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag. — Jay Leno

(Image: Shutterstock)

17. Thanks, Jimmy

Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.” — Jimmy Kimmel

(Image: Bloomberg)

18. The New Math

Tax season arrived, and a man was looking for a good accountant to do his complex tax return. He walked into a prospective accountant’s office, and the accountant went over the services he could provide to the prospective client.

Before the man left, he wanted to test the accountant’s number skills, so he said, “If you can tell me what 10,472 times 7 is without using a calculator, I will hire you today.”

The accountant’s reply? “I can make the number whatever you want it to be.”

(From Robert Half)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

19. A Little Religious Humor

Father O'Malley answers the phone.

'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

(From Yellow Jokes)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

20. Elementary!

Why didn’t Sherlock Holmes pay a lot of taxes?

Because he made brilliant deductions.

(From @J_Stephens_CPA)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

21. More Fishy Humor

Why won't sharks attack tax IRS agents?

Professional courtesy.

(Source: )

(Image: Adobe Stock)

22. Shiver Me Timbers!

Congress instituted a tax on booty taken by buccaneers at 3.14% — It’s the pi-rate tax.

(From @J_Stephens_CPA)

(Image: Adobe Stock)

— Katie Rass contributed research.


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