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21 of the best sales jokes ever

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Have you ever been in a room full of people, palms sweating, and your face beet-red while you’re trying to network? You might be stressing about what to say first, other than formally introducing yourself and possibly making small talk. But, have you ever thought of opening with an appropriate joke?

Or, while at work, have you ever tried defusing some of the work-related tensions with a well-timed – and truly funny – joke?

Here are 21 jokes about sales and salespeople that we have found on the internet. Leave your jokes for all to see in the comments section below!

underwater

1. A beautiful waterfront – um – underwater property

A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

“That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”

“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”

(From Jokes.co.uk)

sad

2. The insulted salesman

A young salesman, after just two days at the job, walks into the sales manager’s office, who has had over 25 years of selling experience, starting from the bottom and gradually rising to manager, and says, “Sir, I’d like to resign, I’ve been insulted at the job.”

The old man asks the young man to be seated and then adds, “I have no problem with the resignation, if you want to leave, sure, you can leave. But out of my personal curiosity, can I ask you a question before you go?”

Without waiting for an answer he carries on, “I’ve been selling for over 25 years now. I’ve sold on the phone. I’ve been door-to-door. During all this time, I’ve been called names, my parents have been called names, I was once even kicked down two flights of stairs, and yet no one has yet been able to ‘insult’ me! How did anyone manage to insult you in just two days?” 

(From WorkingHumor.com)

marriage

3. Newlyweds

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After three days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

“Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said yes. Then I asked her why and she replied, ‘Because I love you.’”

(From Free-Funny-Jokes.com)

sad

4. Love and hate aren’t the same word

I love my sales job, it’s the work I hate.

(From SalesJokes.com)

slick

5. Pun… intended

Question: What salesman has the slickest line?

Answer: A hair grease salesman.

(From Jokes.co.uk)

 fish

6. Fish make you smarter

A customer at Morris’ Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks.

“Only $4 apiece,” says Morris.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter.

“You didn’t eat enough,” says Morris.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

“Hey, Morris,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece, when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2…You’re ripping me off!”

“You see?” says Morris. “You’re smarter already.”

(From WorkingHumor.com)

jump

7. When I say “jump”…

Tony was very excited. He had just landed his first professional sales role.

On his first day at the company, the sales manager took him up on to the roof of the building and said, “I am going to give you your very first lesson in sales. Stand on the edge of the roof.”

Reluctantly, the new salesman moved closer and closer to the edge of the roof.

“Now,” said the sales manager, “when I say, ‘jump!’ I want you to jump off the roof.”

“But, sir,” protested the green sales recruit, “there’s a huge drop!”

“Do you want to succeed in sales?” said the sales manager.”

“YES,” Tony said

“And you trust me, don’t you?” asked the manager.

“Yes, I guess,” said Tony.

“So do as I say and jump,” the manager replied.

Tony jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His sales manager went racing down the stairs towards him.

“That was your first lesson in sales, Tony. Never trust anyone in business!”

(From SalesJokes.com)

love

8. Gifts for Valentine’s Day

Question: What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day? 

Answer: Rugs and kisses!

(From Jokes.co.uk)

sale

9. It’s a huge sale!

Salesman: “Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale.”

Customer: “Forget it! No one round here’s got room in their houses for a mammoth.”

(From Free-Funny-Jokes.com)

pottery

10. Genuine pottery…

Salesman: “This jug is genuine Indian pottery.”

Customer: “But it says ‘Made in Cleveland.’”

Salesman: “Haven’t you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?”

(From Jokes.co.uk)

11. Going away on vacation

Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:

“Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”

(From Desicomments.com)

run

12. When confronted with a bear…

Two salesmen on a camping trip are walking through the forest when a huge grizzly bear appears in a clearing about fifty feet away. The bear sees the salesmen and begins heading toward them. The first salesman drops his backpack, digs out a pair of running shoes, and frantically begins to put them on.

The second salesman says, “What are you doing? Running shoes won’t help you outsprint that bear.”

“I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first salesman says. “I just need to outrun YOU!”

More on this topic

(From SalesJokes.com)

thermos

13. What is a thermos?

One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. “What is that?” Mikey asked.

“It’s a thermos,” the salesman replied.

“What does it do?” asked Mikey.

“This baby,” the salesman said, ”keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next  day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object.

“What is it?” they asked.

“It’s a thermos,” Mikey replied.

“What does it do?” they asked.

“Well,” Mikey says in a bragging manner, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

“What do ya got in it?” they asked.

To which Mikey says, “Three cups of coffee and a popsicle.”

(From Jokes.co.uk)

14. It’s all about competing…

Two salesmen were having coffee together and one was telling the other:

“We’ve got a terrific sales competition going at our place. The fellow who writes the biggest percentage over target for the quarter gets a holiday for two in the south of France with all expenses paid. The fellow who’s second highest gets a tailor-made suit with an extra pair of trousers, and the fellow who’s third gets a dozen shirts.”

The other rep looked gloomily at his coffee for a moment, and says:

“We’re having a sales competition at our place too. The fellow that wins it keeps his job.”

(From Desicomments.com)

15. It’s no accident…

Question: What do you call two insurance salesmen driving their car off a cliff?

Answer: An absolute tragedy. At least three more could have fit in the car.

(From SalesJokes.com)

cemetery

16. Selling burial plots

Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things — burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery. He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, “I hope you’ll be  very happy there.”

(From Jokes.co.uk)

17. Take the church for example…

A salesman for the local paper called on Riley the chemist.

“No way. I’ve been in business 41 years and never spent a penny on advertising yet,” said Riley.

“Really? Then you can tell me, what is that handsome building on the top of the hill?” asked the salesman.

“That’s St Catherine’s church,” Riley replied.

“Been there long?” asked the salesman.

“Over a hundred years,” said Riley.

“They still ring the bell, don’t they?” said the salesman.

(From Desicomments.com)

18. You are kidding, right?

A young man is reaching the end of a job interview for an entry level sales position. The sales manager concludes by asking: “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The applicant replies: “$130K base would be fine.”

The sales manager says: “And what would you say to a XMAS bonus, un-capped commissions, free gym membership, a generous superannuation plan, a fully maintained company car and perhaps your own personal secretary?”

The young man sits up and says: “Wow! Are you joking?”

The sales manager responds: “YES, but you started it!”

(From SalesJokes.com)

 barn

19. Selling insurance to a farmer

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer.

“Look at it this way sir,” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”

“Well…” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don’t reckon that’d be any concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I’m alive.”

(From Jokes.co.uk)

20. What about the dogs?

The entire North American sales force of Frisky Dog Food was gathered together for their national sales convention at Miami Beach. In the great auditorium the marketing director was giving a performance that any revivalist would have been proud of. Using the old pattern of call and response, he was really working up the spirits of his sales team.

“Who’s got the greatest dog food in North America?” the marketing director asked.

“We have!” the audience replied.

“And who’s got the greatest advertising campaigns?”

“We have!”

“Who’s got the most attractive packages?”

“We have!”

“Who’s got the biggest distribution?”

“WE HAVE!”

“Okay. So why aren’t we selling more of the product?”

One bold voice from the crowd replied:

“Because the darned dogs don’t like it.”

(From Desicomments.com)

21. It’s finding the space…

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”

(From SalesJokes.com)

See also:

7 more great accountant jokes

31 of the best retirement jokes

24 great sales jokes