Emotional Rescue

I would suggest counseling for people who are open to a hands-on therapeutic approach, and don’t like the idea of a long-term delving into the childhood roots of their motivations. Coaching is appropriate as a way to encourage powerful life changes in clients who are not severely disturbed or dysfunctional. When addictions are present, the combination of therapy with group support has proved to be more effective. This support can be found in 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and Debtors Anonymous.

To introduce a client to the ticklish topic of getting assistance, you might begin by saying that you know an expert who is skilled in helping people deal with the kinds of issues your client is facing. If possible, describe similar situations where other clients, friends, or you yourself have found support and insight.

When a client needs therapy but balks at the idea of getting it, you might discuss the stigma wrongly attached to this word, and suggest that it’s instead a sign of courage and intelligence to seek expert help. There is less of a stigma about counseling, and coaching may seem even more attractive due to its focus on creating action plans. No matter what type of help you propose, your willingness to talk clients through their resistance can work well, as long as you yourself don’t see it as a mark of weakness.

Finding the Right Experts

It’s important for every financial planner who embraces the role of therapeutic educator to know therapists, counselors, coaches, and support groups to recommend when it seems necessary or advisable. But if you don’t already have a list of people and groups that you trust, how do you create one?

Getting recommendations from colleagues and friends is a fine way to start. But this is only the first step. It’s important to interview these mental health professionals yourself, because some of them may share vulnerabilities about money that are similar to your clients’. Before putting therapists, counselors, or coaches on your list, sit down with them. See if they are at ease talking about money neuroses, spending compulsions, and other money conflicts, as well as uncovering what money may represent to a client. You might use the following questions to guide your interview.

1. How much experience have you had in dealing with the issue at hand? With clients’ money dysfunctions in general? Can you give me examples?
2. What areas do you specialize in? Addictions, marital therapy, children and adolescents, wealthy clients, other?
3. If I referred an overspender to you, how would you work with this client?
4. If I referred a client who is extremely risk-averse because of a past financial trauma, how would you work with him or her?
5. How often do most clients see you? Twice a week, weekly, twice a month, monthly? How long do most clients stay?
6. What are your fees?
7. How do you see our distinct roles in a client’s life?
8. Are you willing to take a consultant’s role in my relationship with a client, or would you prefer to maintain a separate relationship with that client? (There’s no right or wrong way to structure your collaboration. Just identify your preferences, be flexible, and trust your instincts.)

Be sure to give yourself a choice by interviewing more than one candidate. For instance, you may find a broadly credentialed therapist you’d enjoy working with in person, and a more specialized expert who can handle appropriate referrals.

Once you find a list of professionals you feel comfortable recommending to your clients, you may want to explore further ways to collaborate with them. For example, you might consider offering new clients an initial session with a money therapist as part of your introductory package. This helps identify key emotional issues right off the bat, and ultimately facilitates decision-making.

Another possibility is to invite a therapist-coach to participate in joint planner/client sessions. An Atlanta financial planning firm called GV Financial Advisors reported that this strategy made work with clients more fulfilling for all concerned.

To help your clients understand money psychology, you can also offer seminars on aspects of this important topic. I find myself increasingly involved in helping advisors educate their clients about money personality types and their strengths, preferences, and blind spots; couples polarization patterns and how to resolve them; major male-female differences around money, and so on.

If you’re interested in learning more about the therapy process, there are many excellent guides for the lay reader. I would recommend Sheldon Kopp’s books, such as If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him: The Pilgrimage of Psychotherapy Patients (Bantam, 1988), and any of Harriet Lerner’s books, especially her newest one, Fear and Other Uninvited Guests: Tackling the Anxiety, Fear, and Shame That Keep Us from Optimal Living and Loving (HarperCollins, 2004). A fascinating book describing a wide range of therapeutic approaches to bizarre situations is The Mummy at the Dining Room Table: Eminent Therapists Reveal Their Most Unusual Cases, edited by Jeffrey A. Kottler and Jon Carlson (Jossey-Bass, 2003).

Helping Clients Open Up

If you would like to be more involved in helping clients share their deeper feelings about money, consider using one or more of the following self-awareness assignments.

The first exercise I often propose is for clients to list up to three things about themselves and their money that they feel good about, and up to three things that they’re not so happy with. In addition to the pointers their answers provide, you can learn even more by asking your client to identify which list was harder to write. If the positive list was more difficult, you may need to focus on building up the client’s self-confidence in order to make real progress together.

Another exercise, the Fantasy Autobiography, helps clients identify their deepest yearnings and clarify the goals for your work together. If clients have trouble getting specific in their autobiography, I ask them to write an ideal New York Times obituary for themselves in 300 words or fewer.

A third and more complex exercise is a money dialogue: An imagined conversation, written or taped, between the client and Money about how their “relationship” is going. After the dialogue winds down, the client comments on it from the different viewpoints of those who have been influential in his or her moneylife. This starts with parents and may also include other relatives, a current or former spouse, a mentor or spiritual advisor, and finally, the voice of God or inner wisdom. This powerful assignment can help you ascertain where clients stand in relation to money, where they have been, and where they need to go to reach balance.

All of these exercises are invitations to reach deep inside oneself. Though they are not dangerous in themselves, they may sometimes encourage more fragile clients to open up in ways that reveal a need for more hope and support than you can provide. But in many other cases, they will merely make your work more three-dimensional.

The Payoff

A client who manages the endowment fund for a local charitable foundation confesses to you that despite his stellar track record for the charity, his own finances are in terrible shape. In discussing his background, it comes out that his stern, controlling parents considered him to be a screwup and made him answer for every penny they gave him. How would you handle this?

If your answer is something like “I’d recommend practical solutions to help him get organized, while suggesting that he get some therapy to work on his self-esteem and self-sabotage issues,” well done!

Once you feel comfortable with the distinction between your perspective as a therapeutic educator and the role of counseling, coaching, and therapy, you will be better prepared to guide clients toward support for their emotional struggles around money and other issues. This will help you build trust and a stronger professional bond with them, and will pave the way for them to respond appropriately to your advice when the time is right.

Olivia Mellan, a speaker, coach, and business consultant, is the author with Sherry Christie of The Advisor’s Guide to Money Psychology, available through the IA Bookstore at www.investmentadvisor.com. E-mail Olivia at [email protected]