What Americans really think about tax planning

When it comes to tax procrastination, the excuses flow as fast as the Mississippi: “My car hasn’t been cleaned in ages” or “I forgot to take the dog out” or that old standby “I need to wash my hair.” OK, maybe WalletHub’s survey respondents didn’t say these things in so many words, but they did have some pretty funny responses when asked what they would do for a tax-free future.

WalletHub asked a series of questions to 1,000 taxpayers across the United States on March 15 and 16 of this year, in partnership with SurveyMonkey.

See also: 7 more great accountant jokes

Here are some of their findings: 

What would you do for a tax-free future?

WalletHub didn’t specify what kind of answers were given in the “other” category, which got 55 percent of the votes, here’s the breakdown for the named categories:

• 27 percent of responders said they would get an “IRS” tattoo

• 16 percent would move to another country

• 11 percent would clean Chipotle toilets for three years

• 10 percent would stop talking for six months

• 8 percent said they would name their first-born child “Taxes”

• 6 percent would sell a kidney

• 4 percent would kill someone (assuming that they wouldn’t get caught)

• 4 percent said they would spend one year in prison.

Who do you like more than the IRS?

It seems like WalletHub decided to include the world’s most loved and hated figures in the spotlight recently. Here are their results:

• A whopping 52 percent said Pope Francis, head of the Catholic Church

• 44 percent said President Barack Obama

• Another 44 percent said Bernie Sanders, a presidential candidate for the Democratic Party

• 30 percent said Hillary Clinton, the other presidential candidate for the Democratic Party

• 26 percent said John Kasich, one of the three presidential candidates for the Republican Party

• 22 percent said Donald Trump, the current front-running president candidate for the Republican Party

• 18 percent said Marco Rubio, who used to be a Senator and presidential candidate, but dropped out of the race to become the candidate for the Republican Party

• Another 18 percent said Ted Cruz, another presidential candidate for the Republican Party

• 16 percent said Justin Bieber, a young adult pop singer beloved by teens, but disliked by most of the U.S.

• 14 percent said Bill Cosby, a comedian who has been in the news lately after being accused of sexual assault by a group of women

• 13 percent said Kim Kardashian, a celebrity who found fame through very controversial means

• 12 percent said Vladimir Putin, President of Russia

• 12 percent said Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner, patriarch of half of the Kardashian clan

• 11 percent said Janet Yellen, Federal Reserve Chair

• 10 percent said Roger Goodell, Commissioner of the National Football League

• 10 percent said Kanye West, celebrity and musician known for his larger-than-life ego

• 8 percent said OJ Simpson, retired football player who rose to infamy after being accused, and acquitted, of his ex-wife’s murder 

(Image: Pope Francis tries to reach for a flying balloon as he arrives with his popemobile in St. Peter’s Square to attend his weekly general audience at the Vatican, Wednesday, March 30, 2016. AP Photo/Gregorio Borgia) 

Who would you most like to punch?

• 54 percent said Donald Trump

• 14 percent said Hillary Clinton

• 13 percent said “The President”

• 12 percent said “A Congressman”

• 4 percent said an IRS agent

• 2 percent said a tax attorney

• 1 percent said an accountant

When asked if the IRS is really necessary, the respondents said:

• 52 percent yes, but “there’s lots of room for improvement”

• 20.1 percent said yes and they’re doing a “fine job”

• 14.4 percent said it “should be abolished”

• 10.8 percent said that they hate it, but “we need it”

• 2.7 percent said that the IRS is “doing a great job”

When asked what they would rather do instead of preparing their own taxes, respondents said:

• 77 percent would rather do their laundry

• 60 percent said they would cut the grass

• 48 percent said that they would teach their kids how to budget

• 47 percent said they would cook Thanksgiving dinner for their in-laws

• 45 percent said they would paint their house

• 43 percent said they would change a baby’s diapers (the report does not specify whose baby)

• 35 percent said they would talk to their kids about sex

• 32 percent said they would rather fold 100 fitted sheets

• 23 percent said they would miss a connecting flight

• 13 percent said they would spend the night in jail

• 8 percent said they would break their own arm 

What are some of taxpayers’ biggest tax day fears?

• 36 percent said making a math mistake

• 26 percent said getting their identity stolen

• 19 percent said getting audited

• 19 percent said not having enough money to pay the IRS

When are taxpayers expecting to pay their taxes?

• 53.3 percent said that they already have

• 21 percent said during the first two weeks in April

• 20 percent said sometime in March

• 5.7 percent said after the deadline

To read the full report published on WalletHub, go here.