When You Must Attend an Event You Wanted to Avoid

5. Circulate.

There might be people you wanted to avoid, but that impossible. It’s a better strategy to seek them out and greet them in a polite, upbeat manner. Compliments are very useful right about now. You might feel both you and they are playing a role. You are. It’s called being civil. This defuses the tension of wondering if they are going to find you first and say something uncomfortable.

6. Meet the person you wanted to meet.

You have gotten the sticky encounters out of the way. Now find the person you researched before arriving. Introduce yourself. I’ve found “You don’t know me…” is an excellent icebreaker. Make conversation.

7. In the room vs. in the mood.

Years ago, a California advisor shared the distinction between those two terms. In the room means “you had to be there” and you aren’t happy about it. You aren’t likely to be the only one. Look around and find that other person. They might be the grumpy looking one. You can immediately bond because you have that factor in common. It’s easy to be civil to each other. You might even hit it off and laugh a lot.

8. Things to talk about.

You’ve found someone to talk to, but what are you going to talk about? “What brings you here tonight” or “How are you connected to the organization” are good icebreakers. “How do you know our host” leads into “Who knows who” and identify friends in common. You can comment on the quality of the food or music, but not within earshot of your hosts.

9. Watch your drinking.

It’s tempting to indulge, especially when it’s top shelf booze and it’s free. Remember your audience, those folks you don’t like and the feeling is mutual. Drinking too much gives them something to talk about. Don’t make it easy for them.

10. Ease out slowly.

If it’s an event, there might be short speeches. There’s a eulogy if it’s a funeral. It’s difficult to disappear before that point. When you feel you’ve stayed long enough, don’t rush for the door. Circulate around, saying goodnight to your friends and your hosts.

It’s going to be tempting to dissect the event the moment you leave. It’s a better idea to wait until you are safely inside your car and the windows are up. You and your partner will have fun laughing and releasing the tension, but you might also say: “It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I met a couple of really interesting people.”

— Related on ThinkAdvisor:

• 7 Steps to Keeping a Client Whose Advisor Has Left the Firm
• A Strategy for When Your Friends Are Chosen for You
• 10 Useful Phrases for Getting Clients to Commit