1. Even Santa?
Jim got a new job at the North Pole just before Christmas. Since he was an accountant and not an elf, he expected to be doing the elves’ taxes in the New Year. But when he asked Santa about the elves’ tax status, he was told they were all elf employed.
2. The bill at the end of the tunnel.
A doctor and a lawyer trying to converse at a party were constantly interrupted by people wanting medical advice. The doctor ran out of patience and said to the lawyer, “How do you stop people from hitting you up for advice?”
“Simple,” said the lawyer. “I give it to them and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor shook his head and decided to try it, so the next day he put together bills for everyone who had interrupted him at the party. But when he went to put them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
3. Overheard at the office Christmas party.
Stock trader: “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a spouse.” (Source:
4. Market definitions.
Market correction: The day after you buy stocks.
Value investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.
Standard & Poor: Your life in a nutshell.
Question: What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say?
Answer: Would you like fries with that?
6. Questionable advice.
Question: What’s the best way to make a million in the stock market?
Answer: Start with two million.
Progress To Financial Freedom
7. An illuminating moment.
Question: How many financial advisors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: One to hire a lightbulb installer to do it and then charge you 1% of your assets every year.
8. About bankers…
Bankers are people who help you with problems that you would not have had without them.
Also, the problem with banker jokes is that bankers don’t think they’re funny, while nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
9. The most punderful time of the year.
Jim: I love this time of year!
Jane: You mean you ‘ove’ it.
Jane: Because, ya know, there’s Noël!
10. The purpose of the office holiday party.
Why have an office holiday party in the first place?
Because it’s a great place to meet the people you’ve been e-mailing from 10 feet away.
(Check out: 9 of the Best Investment Jokes or 15 of the Best Retirement Jokes)
So you want to liven up the office Christmas party with a few jokes instead of with rum in the punch. Good luck!
Seriously, though, having a few jokes to tell at the party can break the ice (as long as you don’t fall in) and get people laughing and talking—even if it’s laughing about you and talking about how bad your jokes are. If you’ve practiced your delivery and think you’re ready for prime time (when the rum punch runs out), here are 10 other punch lines you can provide to your guests.