Advisor Etiquette for Tough Situations

Financial advisors are not immune from sticky, tricky etiquette dilemmas.

Enter etiquette expert Sara Jane Ho, who brings no-nonsense tips and sassy quips to what can be a musty subject, in her new book, “Mind Your Manners: How to Be Your Best Self in Any Situation,” to be released April 9.

In an interview, we ask Ho, host of the Emmy-nominated Netflix series “Mind Your Manners,” if it’s OK for financial advisors to use humor with clients.

“Absolutely,” says Ho, 38, who began as an investment banking analyst before making a sharp career turn and opening China’s first finishing school. “But if it’s dirty humor, maybe not, unless it’s contextual.”

Her book is packed with such pointers on polite behavior as “Don’t lick your knife.” In addition, she emphasizes the importance of resourcefulness and relates how “reciprocal obligation” can help advisors.

In the interview, Ho, who earned an MBA at Harvard Business School, discusses how to keep a widow from leaving a couple’s financial advisor upon the husband’s death and the worst thing a salesperson can do, especially when trying for a good first impression.

Here are highlights of our conversation:

“I’m not Mother Teresa. I’m Miss Manners with a touch of Machiavelli,” you write. Please elaborate.

I’m not pretending to be holier than thou or Miss Goody Two-Shoes. 

I’m about being practical and how to use etiquette to get what you want and where you want so it can empower instead of limiting you.

Research shows that 70% to 80% of widows leave their financial advisor within a year of their husband’s death. What do you recommend advisors do to prevent that?

The relationship with the widow begins before the husband dies.  

If you’re meeting with the husband only, you can give him little tokens of appreciation to give to his wife. They’ll make her aware that you know she’s there and you’re thinking of her.

When do you start communicating with the widow?

As soon as possible, but let her know that she can take her time: You don’t want to rush her so that it looks like you’re after the money. 

When do you follow up? 

Three months later, invite her out for a meal. If you’re a male and if she’s an older woman, bring along a female colleague because the widow may not be entirely comfortable going out alone with a middle-aged man. 

How should financial advisors handle this: A client sends them a referral, but they find the person objectionable and don’t want to sign them. Perhaps the referral thinks they know more about investing than the advisor.

You should always thank the referring client. Then say, “We spoke with [referral’s name], but I’m not sure that we meet their needs as to what they’re looking for.” 

So put it on you, not them. After all, if they think they know it all, they don’t need you. Therefore, you’re not meeting their needs! 

Suppose clients are angry at their advisor. Maybe they wanted to sell a stock, but the financial advisor said to keep it, and they did. Then it went south. What should the advisor say?

With an angry client, the first thing is to hear them out. Don’t try to explain. Don’t say, “but, but, but.” Use body language to show that you’re listening: Nod, look apologetic.

When they’ve finished, apologize; because when someone is upset, who’s right or wrong is irrelevant.