The Beliefs That Run Our Lives

(2) The inefficiency cycle shows that when you are tired, you’re less efficient. When you are less efficient, you need more time to get your work done. When you work longer hours, you have less time for sleep, exercise, leisure, hobbies, time with friends and family, which keeps you tired, less efficient, working long hours–a vicious cycle.

The irony is that the things we cut back on when we’re overloaded are the very things that would actually reduce our stress, increase our energy, and improve our productivity. And yet those are the things that we jettison first when we get too busy.

Sometimes the secret of improving productivity is to work fewer hours and to give yourself the time you save for rest, relaxation, sleep, exercise, socializing, entertainment and hobbies. When you’re overloaded and overstressed, sometimes less is more!

(3) The problem-solving model shows that sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to get away from it. Certain kinds of timely time-outs engage your conscious mind and allow your subconscious mind to work on the problem.

Another belief running many people’s lives is, “I don’t have time for leisure,” “leisure is a luxury,” or even “leisure is selfish.” Let’s explore this belief with the story of Bill, who was working 6 days a week and spending Sundays with his family.

One day he told me that he really missed playing golf. When I gave him permission to play the next weekend, he resisted. But finally he agreed to try it. Not only did he enjoy the game, but he learned a valuable lesson: that work-life balance is not a zero-sum game (where doing something for yourself takes something away from others). In fact, when you meet your own needs, you have more to give to other people.

A lot of people think that “sleep is a waste of time,” “sleep is expendable,” or “I only need 5 hours of sleep a night.” Actually the average adult needs 8 or 9 hours sleep per night–and most of them aren’t getting it. There are serious consequences when we don’t get the sleep we need. One of the most important effects is that sleep deprivation actually shows up in your body as stress.

Another belief is that “caffeine doesn’t bother me!” People don’t realize what caffeine is doing to them because the effects are often subtle and because we develop a tolerance to it. Caffeine not only generates stress, but also interferes with the quality of our sleep.

Summing Up

In conclusion, beliefs are the premises and assumptions we hold about how the world works, how people should behave and about ourselves, especially about what we think we can and cannot do. Beliefs are powerful because we hold them to be “the truth,” and because most of them are subconscious. They inform our behavior, influence the things we find stressful, and can undermine our self-confidence and interfere with our ability to reach our full potential.

The key to dealing with beliefs is to identify them. Start looking at your behavior and tap into your inner thoughts. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” “Why do I feel I have to get all of this done?” “Why do I feel I have to do things in this order?” Begin listening to your inner dialogue when you’re feeling stressed. Ask, “Why am I upset by this situation or that person’s behavior?” Explore where these beliefs came from. Ask yourself questions like “where did I first hear that?” or “who says that is true?”

Then start to challenge your beliefs. Be willing to try different behaviors and to modify your thinking, perhaps even discarding beliefs that are outdated or self-defeating. Then be willing to revise your beliefs and to come up with new ones that will serve you better and help to reduce your stress.

We all live with rules and regulations regarding almost every aspect of our lives. Many people have begun to feel that their lives are out of control, their work-life balance is poor, and there’s nothing they can do about it. But these patterns are not your destiny.

In other cases we get upset with other people who don’t meet our expectations. Or we undermine ourselves with negative and limiting thoughts about what we are capable of. Start tapping into the voice that’s running your life. Identify your underlying beliefs, challenge them and experiment with new ideas. Discard the beliefs that are not serving you well, or at least modify them. You have more control than you think!

David B. Posen, M.D., is an Oakville, Ontario-based author, speaker and physician specializing in stress management and lifestyle counseling. You may e-mail him at . This is an unabridged version of a presentation he gave at the MDRT annual meeting in Toronto.