How to Handle Tough Situations and Calm Angry Clients

“Cooperate with the inevitable” may sound like a passive route to take. But in coping with an inexorable problem, it’s actually a tack of action, argues Joe Hart, CEO and president of Dale Carnegie & Associates, in an interview with ThinkAdvisor.

“Some things happening in the market are beyond our control, inevitable,” Hart says. “You can be angry and frustrated about them …Or you can take command, take action and figure out what you can do.” 

His new book, “Take Command: Find Your Inner Strength, Build Enduring Relationships, and Live the Life You Want,” co-written with Michael Crom, (Simon and Schuster-Jan. 10) is the latest offshoot of Dale Carnegie’s famed bestseller for the last 86 years, “How To Win Friends and Influence People.”

The franchised Dale Carnegie & Associates trains people around the world to improve their performance by applying the founder’s 60 principles to inspire success.

In the interview, Hart reveals a “trust equation” to generate client trust and ways to build deep relationships.

Technical skills and knowledge are 15% of success; 85% is “our ability to interact with people and develop relationships with them,” Hart says.

He stresses one of the five Carnegie methods to building a great relationship: Be a better listener.

“Listening plays a critical role” in making people feel “valued” and “respected,” he maintains.

Previously an attorney and real estate developer, Hart is host of “Take Command: A Dale Carnegie Podcast.”

Crom is formerly Dale Carnegie Training’s chief learning officer and is the grandson of Dale Carnegie.

Born in 1888, Carnegie was a salesperson teaching communications classes at the YMCA in New York City when, in 1912, he created his first public speaking course.

His famous first self-help book was published in 1936, followed in 1948 by “How To Stop Worrying and Start Living.” Carnegie died at 67.

In our conversation, Hart covers how to be resilient in turbulent markets like today’s; the importance of enthusiasm in conveying conviction; and how to strengthen self-confidence.

ThinkAdvisor recently held a phone interview with Hart, who was speaking from suburban Michigan.

On dealing with difficult people, such as angry clients, he recommends:

“If the advisor is simply defensive, that will likely escalate the situation. But if they listen and give the client a chance to talk … that’s when the client can say, ‘I’m willing to listen to you. What do you have to say?’”

Here are excerpts from our interview:

THINKADVISOR: How can using the Dale Carnegie “trust equation” – Trust = Personal Credibility + Empathy – help generate client trust in a financial advisor? 

JOE HART: It’s important for a client to know that their advisor cares, understands their situation and is working to achieve their goals.

Trust clearly is the foundation of relationships.

The idea of personal credibility embodies authenticity and reliability. It focuses on the key factors of internal and external reliability.

Internal reliability means that I’m true to myself. Am I driven by my values, or am I someone who says one thing and doesn’t believe it? 

External reliability is: People can count on me for the things I say I’m going to do.

What about the empathy piece?

Empathy is trying to see things from the other person’s point of view, which is Dale Carnegie’s [Human Relations] Principle #17. 

In a relationship, we’re trying to put the other person first, understanding and doing that from a place of authenticity so that people know they can trust us and rely on us because we’re going to do the things we say we’ll do.

How quickly can you get a client to put their trust in you?

By earning trust, an advisor becomes a truly trusted advisor. Trust is something that can be hard to gain and easy to lose. 

[Advisors] need to show a high level of genuine care, concern and commitment that they’re on the side of the client, that they have their backs.

Theodore Roosevelt once said [paraphrasing]: “People don’t care what you know until they know you care.”

For an advisor, it has to be honest and genuine. That means getting to a deeper level by asking the client [incisive] questions. 

Another Dale Carnegie Principle is to cooperate with the inevitable and think about what can be done to make the best of the situation. Please elaborate.

There are things that are beyond our control. Some things happening in the market are inevitable. You can be angry and frustrated about them; or you can say, “I’m going to channel my energy into something more constructive. How do I find a way around this”?

Cooperating with the inevitable is partly about some things that you can’t change; so don’t spend your energy fighting them. Take command, take action and figure out what you can do.

Dale Carnegie wrote that the question isn’t “Can I?” but “In what ways can I?” That opens the mind to thinking creatively and implies that it can happen. You just have to figure it out.

Talk about being resilient in the face of today’s down market. 

Clearly, resilience is easier for some of the advisors who have been through the crashes of 1987, 2002 or 2008-2009. They know there are boom-and-bust cycles and that you get through them. So they have more confidence.

But some advisors who are newer and haven’t gone through those times don’t have that confidence. They need to say to themselves, “I know I can do this. I know I’m smart. I care about my clients. 

“I’m going to do my best to help them work through this. I’m positive that things are going to work out. I just have to figure it out. What are the opportunities here?”

With this way of thinking, advisors put themselves in a position for action.

Getting emotional and depressed limits our ability to reason and see opportunities that can be right in front of us.