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The real election season conspiracy

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I love conspiracy theories, both about the universe in general and elections in particular.

Whenever my computer slows down, I start writing notes to the Russian (or Chinese? or North Korean?) hackers who surely must have taken over my computer to get my unique, in-depth insights about the U.S. political system. (My understanding is that Donald Trump is running against Hillary Clinton for the presidency. How’s that for in-depth insight?)

My main objection to WikiLeaks is that, sadly, I’m not in there. Guess I have to keep working. Someday I’ll make it.

I’m still rooting, passionately, for the proposition that there are mysterious Defense Department tunnels connecting Washington and New York with the real capital of the United States (which is near Denver); that the tunnel system has an auxiliary exit a few blocks from my house; and that there are aliens in jars under the nation’s real capital. (Near Denver.)

But I think the most important actual conspiracy is the one that keeps most candidates running for national office from talking much about long-term care planning and post-retirement acute health care cost planning.

Related: Dr. Marion: They Just Don’t Understand

Policymakers have known that there were a lot of baby boomers and that it was likely that they would get old someday since at least the early 1960s, after the second decennial census took place during the baby boom.

Trump and Clinton are supposed to discuss debt and entitlements during that debate. It’s possible that the candidates will actually discuss those topics, and not simply pivot away from the questions and turn their attention to topics such as groping and enablement of spousal wrongdoing.

But I’m not holding my breath.

Trump said at one point during the primary season that Alzheimer’s is terrible, and that we need more Alzheimer’s research.

Mike Pence, his running mate, has said that a society can be judged by how it cares for the elderly and disabled.

Clinton and her running mate, Tim Kaine, say that Trump will do bad things to Social Security, and that they won’t. Clinton has also proposed providing a tax credit for caregivers, and supported efforts to increase the wages of long-term care workers.

Related: This is an awkward time to promise home care workers a raise

But that’s about all that I’ve noticed coming out of the campaigns that’s related to my beat.

So, why the near silence on the “silver tsunami”?

Maybe it’s the result of a conspiracy!

Who could the villains be?

Possible villain candidates:

The aliens in the jars under the capital. (Near Denver.) Maybe they know they’ll be taking our older baby boomers to their home planet, for use as pets.

The Russians. Maybe they want our elder care systems to be rickety, so that theirs look better by way of comparison.

George Soros, Warren Buffett and the Koch brothers. From the outside, Soros and Buffett appear to be on the opposite side from the Koch brothers. Maybe, really, they’ve all teamed up to make our planning for care for the elderly as skimpy as possible. (Possibly so that they can rake in billions from selling the neglected elderly people of the future to the space aliens. Why should the space aliens get all that windfall revenue?) 

Allison Bell is health channel editor for


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