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December 09, 2014 at 02:43 AM
Even though insurance is rarely a laughing matter, that doesn’t mean that we can’t sometimes laugh at the silliness of some aspects of this business, or just laugh to melt the stress away. And, after all, the best free medicine is laughter.
Tasteful jokes can also be used as ice-breakers when meeting new people or doing a presentation. Joking tends to relax everyone and, if done right, can actually make people relate to you. Just make sure that you practice your repertoire before your presentation; you don’t want to seem too cheesy, or worse, a creepy jokester.
We searched high and low on the internet to find some of the best insurance jokes out there. Do you know some jokes that weren’t included in our list? Add them in the comments section below.
1. Statue
An insurance agent went to a museum and he accidentally hit a statue.
Museum Administrator: “That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken!”
Insurance agent: “Thank God! I thought it was a new one.”
2. Happy boss
A happy insurance boss says to his employees, “You worked very hard this year. As a reward, I’ll give everyone a check for $5,000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks.”
3. The underwriter & his wife
Underwriter’s wife: “You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”
Underwriter: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”
Underwriter’s wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
Underwriter: “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?’”
4. Woman, man & insurance
These two jokes are compliments of students in CE seminars:
Question: Do you know what a woman and insurance have in common?
Answer: They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.
Question: Do you know the difference between a man and a whole life policy?
Answer: A whole life policy eventually matures.
5. Confucius says…
“Needing insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing it again.”
6. It had to be an actuary
Three men are sentenced to die by guillotine. The first man steps up, places his head in the hole, the executioner releases the knife, and, miraculously, the knife stops inches above the man’s neck. The king says, “Under the laws of our country, if the guillotine fails to do its job, you are declared free.”
So, the first man gets up, relieved, and the second man takes his place. Again, the guillotine knife stops inches away from the man’s neck. The king says again, “Under the laws of our country, if the guillotine fails to do its job, you are declared free.”
So, the second man gets up, free. The third man, who is an actuary, puts his head in the guillotine hole, looks up, and says, “I think I see what the problem is…”
7. When God created actuaries
What did God say when he created actuaries? He scratched his head and said, “Go figure!”
They took it literally.
8. A doctor, an engineer & an actuary
A doctor, an engineer and an actuary were arguing about which was the oldest profession. The doctor stated that God created Eve from Adam’s rib, which was of course a surgical procedure. The engineer argued that, earlier, God had created order from chaos, which was an engineering feat. “But,” asked the actuary, “Who created the chaos?”
9. An actuary and a Mafia don
Question: What’s the difference between an actuary and a Mafia don?
Answer: The actuary can tell you how many people will die this year. The Mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.
10. Applying for life insurance
The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn’t answer the question about the cause of death of his father.
The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment, the client explained that his father had been hanged.
The salesman pondered for a moment. “Just write: ‘Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way,’” the salesman said.
11. Seven insurance agents
“You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent. “So far today, I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.” “Yes, I know,” replied the agent, “I’m all of them.”
