5 lessons from Superstorm Sandy

3. What you know and what you feel are two different things.

I had read up on Sandy quite a bit before it arrived. I have covered hurricanes in the past, and I had a decent idea of what to expect, even taking into consideration that this storm was a weird hybrid of hurricane and nor’easter. I knew that the winds of this storm were likely to uproot trees and send loose debris flying, but it was really unlikely to peel my roof back. And even though there was the risk of toppling trees, the truth was that there were none that were big enough and close enough to my home to present any clear and present danger.

I knew these things. And yet, when the storm came, where was I? At my windows, looking at the big trees near my yard, expecting them at any moment to proof or crack in half, falling toward my home like some ancient instrument of revenge. Presented with the inescapable reality of the storm, I had only my fear of the storm’s uncertainty and the conviction of how much I had prepared dueling within my head, like the proverbial angel and devil on one’s shoulder. Ultimately, the angel won out, as I did not descend into some kind of crazy panic, but this was a keen reminder of how inadequate our plans can feel when they are put to a full and sudden test.

How certain are we to have prepared adequately for the loss of a breadwinner or loved one? What is the line between what we think we need to prepare for, and what we feel like spending on our future security? And then, what is the line between all of that and what we really need when the hard times come? We all have to confront this kind of reality check. Not all of us will fare so well when pressed to it because we are either too optimistic or too cheap to make an accurate assessment of our needs and then see to them appropriately. Those can make those calls on their own enjoy quite an advantage over those who don’t. Thankfully, there is an army of advisors at the ready to help make sure people have what they need when they need it. Whether people can admit to themselves that they have needs, well, that is another question.

Photo: Brian Hajeski, 41, of Brick, N.J., reacts after looking at debris of a home that washed up on to the Mantoloking Bridge the morning after superstorm Sandy rolled through, Tuesday, Oct. 30, 2012, in Mantoloking, N.J. Sandy, the storm that made landfall Monday, caused multiple fatalities, halted mass transit and cut power to more than 6 million homes and businesses. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

4. There is no such thing as being too prepared.

In the run-up to the storm, we prepared well in advance. We keep a hurricane preparedness kit in the basement and restock it every year. When storms begin looking certain to visit our area, we get go bags ready, even though we do not live in a flood-prone area and are not at direct risk of storm surge damage. We do a lot to ensure that when it is a day or two before the storm, we are not hitting the store in a frantic search for things people have already bought out. Water. Batteries. Dry goods. Medical supplies.

And yet, for all of that, we could have done better. We don’t have a generator of our own; we rely on our neighbor who has one (and, truth be told, rather enjoys being the guy with the generator). We don’t even have a long enough extension cord rated for outside use to reach the generator. We don’t keep extra cans around to stockpile extra fuel. We didn’t board our windows, nor did we install storm shutters — something I considered last year after Irene blew through but which I later 86ed, thinking that it would be overkill. Well, it sure would not have felt like overkill Monday night, I can tell you.

The point is, there is a tendency to think that we have prepared too much, that there is a line we might cross between wise pre-planning and paranoid survivalist. But really, should there even be such a line? That we might feel self-conscious about protecting ourselves says much about how little we regard the dangers around us, and how certain we are that bad things only ever happen to other people. This is a mindset we should jettison posthaste. The truth is there is no such thing as being too prepared. Doomsday peppers look like idiots until one day, they don’t. That carries over to any kind of preparedness, really. When was the last time anybody ever complained about being over-insured? Surely not when a claim check came in.

Photo: People wade and paddle down a flooded street as Hurricane Sandy approaches, Monday, Oct. 29, 2012, in Lindenhurst, N.Y. Gaining speed and power through the day, the storm knocked out electricity to more than 1 million people and figured to upend life for tens of millions more. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

5. When hardship hits, community matters.

For me, this disaster has been a very local experience. My neighbors are a bunch of good-natured, tightly knit folks, and when bad things happen, we collectively come together and make sure everybody has whatever they need. It is hard to overstate just how good a feeling it is to know that when things get tough, there are people you know, or a group to which you belong, that will help look out for you. Even if the material aid that group provides is marginal, the psychological aid can be immense. You know you are not isolated, that you are going through the same thing everybody else is and that, together, you are all going to pull through.

Without that kind of backup, disasters — whether a big shared experience like Sandy or a personal disaster such a death or illness in the family — have a way of making you feel isolated and overwhelmed. As much as we can try to prepare tactically for hard times, the wider relationships we build are in some ways our best safety net.

In the life and health world, I often hear agents and brokers speak of their relationship with their clients. To some customers, this might sound like hollow sales-talk. But I recall once reading a 100-year-old book on life insurance that began with notes like “Life insurance is just a contract until it is signed by a widow’s tears.” To a modern audience, that sounds awfully melodramatic, but it cuts to the heart of what the idea of a proper relationship between agent and client should be. Not one of mere transaction, but one of constant contact, where the mercenary elements of buying and selling are softened by the reminder that behind it is a professional seeing to our well-being. Nostalgic? Idealistic? In a world where life insurance takes a distant back seat to selling retirement products, perhaps. But times like Sandy and the long recovery to follow are stark reminders that sometimes there are needs more pressing than our future retirement. Sometimes there are needs that must be met right now, and industries like insurance are some of the few who can be there for us when we really need them.

Photo: Residents fill sandbags in Baltimore’s Fells Point neighborhood Monday, Oct. 29, 2012 in preparation for Hurricane Sandy. Hurricane Sandy continued on its path Monday, forcing the shutdown of mass transit, schools and financial markets, sending coastal residents fleeing, and threatening a dangerous mix of high winds and soaking rain. (AP Photo/Alex Dominguez)