Advisor Impossible

Have you noticed how many reality television shows there are these days? It seems like just about every channel has some kind of reality show. Right now some of my favorites are the Impossible shows. There are a bunch of them: Dinner Impossible, Restaurant Impossible and Hotel Impossible. Another favorite (and similar show) is Bar Rescue.  

The premise of all these shows is similar. First, find a business that is going down the toilet. Second, bring in an expert and try to fix it. The best part of these programs is watching the experts berate the owners. Much like the Marines, the experts first have to break the owners down before they build them up. Sounds fun, doesn’t it?

Hoping to catch a bit of this Impossible wave, I am currently working on a television project for the major networks called Financial Advisor Impossible. I’d love to get your opinion on it.

Here’s how it works. First, we’ll have all the wirehouses and independent broker-dealers nominate their most pathetic, ill-equipped financial advisors. The key, for us, will be to select advisors before they start skimming client’s funds for personal use.

Next, our camera crew will visit the advisor. We’ll interview all the advisor’s clients (and former clients) who have lost a boatload of money with our luckily selected advisor. Then, we’ll zoom into a close shot of the advisor and ask him to discuss his investment philosophy. We will cut back and forth to the host’s dumbfounded look. 

Once we have our advisor beaten down and looking like the Barney Fife of the field, our expert steps in to save the day. Mr. Expert is an intimidating little man who talks way too fast and always seems to have just a touch of spittle in the corner of his mouth. 

Mr. Expert goes on to tell Mr. Fife, “For the past two months, our cameras have been secretly recording all of your office activity.” To which, Mr. Fife responds by rolling his eyes into the back of his head, turning pale and falling to the floor.