Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polazzi, the star of the high-end PBS television series “Jersey Shore,” which accurately depicts the light-hearted antics of summertime tourists who despoil the pristine environs of Garden State beach towns, has agreed to become a blogger for AdvisorOne.com, the leading source of news and analysis for independent and independent-minded advisors.
AdvisorOne editor James 'Jamie' Green, who himself hails from the actual Jersey Shore, expressed delight at this addition to the website’s roster of distinguished writers. “Sure she's a Benny [dropping a term of endearment Shore locals use to describe tourists to the white-sanded beaches of New Jersey], and she may not have the knowledge of the advisor community that, say, Robert ‘Bob’ Clark possesses in spades, or the expertise of many of our other contributors, but she brings a lot of energy to any topic, along with a naked ambition not seen since Richard 'Dick' Nixon rose to power. Don’t let her size fool you, she’ll be additive, and her value proposition speaks for itself—plus, she’ll be totally awesome to have around at office parties.”
One of those distinguished writers, Mark Tibergien, CEO of Pershing Advisor Solutions, reacted to the news with aplomb. "Snooki is a big win, that's for sure," said Tibergien, who writes a monthly column for Investment Advisor, on Friday. "AdvisorOne is adding an interesting perspective with Snooki as a blogger." Tibergien warned that "while it might be tempting to dismiss the source, she's a great example of an everyday person whose life just became more complex, and advisors need to understand how people process life changes, no matter how it comes at them."
Reached while traveling, another blogger for AdvisorOne, David Tittsworth of the Investment Adviser Association (IAA), said, "All of us in the advisory community are waiting with bated breath for Snooki's insights. Her depth of vision and no-nonsense approach to investing is what we have been waiting for." Tittsworth (right), the CEO of the IAA, further commended AdvisorOne editor Green for his "uncanny ability to secure the best talent available for AdvisorOne and its readers. Jamie's New Jersey credentials obviously aided in making this dream a reality."
Reached at his Santa Fe, N.M., compound, aka the Fortress of Solitude, Bob Clark, who writes both for Investment Advisor magazine and blogs weekly at AdvisorOne, at first seemed confused — "Didn't Snooki Polazzi play shortstop for the Mets?" but then recovered enough to assert that Ms. Polazzi would "fit right in with the AdvisorOne team."
Not everyone expressed delight about Snooki's new position. A spokesman for President Barack 'Hussein' Obama expressed disappointment that Snooki would not be assuming the newly created role of Special Presidential Advisor on the Budget Deficit, Vision Quests and Lightbulbs. Unconfirmed but scintillating media reports that Snooki could be the love child of Charlie Sheen and Sarah Palin, benefiting from those two great Americans’ DNA and tiger blood, had thrust the diminutive television star into the midst of the national political debate.
“She would have been great for building bridges between the spendthrift Democrats and the obstreperous Republicans involved in the federal government budget talks. I mean, have you seen her do backbends?” said French-born White House spokesperson Avril D’Une in an interview. She went on to report that the president was “decimated” that AdvisorOne readers would receive the benefits of Snooki’s advice, rather than weigh in on such topics as SEC funding, fixing Social Security and the ongoing dispute over whether the federal government should use its Constitutionally questionable mandate to eradicate the incandescent lightbulb in favor of more energy efficient lightbulbs.
Ms. Polizzi will begin contributing to AdvisorOne next week. Her first blog is expected to focus on her experiences in the ring at this weekend’s much-anticipated WrestleMania XXVII, also being televised on PBS during its sixth pledge break of 2011.
UPDATE: As we went to press, Snooki left a voice mail message with the editors, muttering that her "compliance department" had found an obscure provision in the Dodd-Frank Act that might prohibit her from blogging for AdvisorOne, since doing so would constitute a breach of her fiduciary duty to her clients. We regret the dashed hopes this announcement will cause to all our readers.–Ed.