Liability Hazards of 12 Days of Christmas The Price of Risk Management

Okay, we took a look at the money our lovesick swain would spend if he bought his beloved all 364 gifts from “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Pricey, we said, and we were right.

But that’s nothing to the cost of insuring all these lovely baubles and fowl and entertainers. You might think it’s akin to the feeling of being stuck with the credit card bill once the holiday largesse is over, but this is even worse. Leave it to the liability experts to take a look at what the price tag would be to cover all our heroine’s goodies against loss and liability.

In a witty proposal on risk management issues prepared for one Felicia Navidad, Insurance Journalmagazine and Lockton, the world’s largest privately held insurance broker, teamed up to have a look at “The Twelve Days of Riskmas.” Following are some of their findings.

Ms. Navidad, it seems, has begun a farming operation after Mr. True Love, her smitten beau, presented her with all those fowl. Remember them? Swans, geese, calling birds, French hens, turtle doves, and, of course, the partridge? Well, Ms. Navidad, being of a practical bent, couldn’t see all that largesse going to waste so she set up what sounds like a well-oiled machine that not only sells the proceeds of the pear trees (one for each partridge; made a nice little orchard) and the eggs from the hens, but also specializes in holiday eggnog (milk from all those cows, thanks to those underpaid milkmaids) and the harvesting of down from the geese to make soft goods that are sold onsite and worldwide.

That meant she needed a large barn for the cows, an aviary with a pond for the birds and a warehouse where all the inventory could be stored—not to mention the dairy operation itself: milking machines, processing machinery, storage facility, etc.

Not to be wasteful, all surpluses are donated to the local food bank and homeless shelter—Ms. Navidad is nothing if not civic-minded, fully as generous as her beau.

Then, faced with all those dancers, leapers, drummers and pipers, our heroine decided to go all out and open a performing arts theater to accommodate their not inconsiderable talents. Don’t forget to stop at the concession stand to taste the eggnog, and you’ll find CDs and DVDs at the gift shop so you can take all those wonderful performances home with you.