The Psychology of Advice: The Gift to Be Simple

You don’t have to stop eating out to make more careful choices about what (and how much) you order. Consider, for example, sharing an entree with someone else; limiting desserts to one per week; trying less rich menu options; or exploring low-fat ethnic cuisines. A friend of mine eats carefully during the week, then gives himself more freedom on the weekend. It’s not all or nothing; you just have to discover what works for you. As someone whose struggle with midlife weight gain is ongoing, I can tell you that you’ll feel better about yourself if you make even modest progress. You might remind yourself of the upside of losing weight, such as being able to keep up with your children or grandchildren.

Also, if you’re one of those who can’t find time to exercise, set your computer’s calendar to alert you for a 20-minute “walk appointment” with a buddy at your lowest-energy time of the day.

Writing down what you eat and how long you walk will help you stay conscious of your new behavior. Last, be sure to reward yourself for making these changes–not with food, but with something else you love. By simplifying your rich menu and becoming more active, I wager you’re going to feel better, happier, and more energetic in no time.

Q: My office is in a great location and is very well furnished, which is the excuse the landlord just used for substantially increasing the rent. I’d already been thinking of moving myself and my assistant into a suite in my home that can easily be turned into an office. This would eliminate a long commute as well as reducing my overhead. I’m wondering, though, if I’ll feel and look as confident and successful in a home office. Should I keep the expensive premises that say “I’m an achiever?”

A: I wish so many of us didn’t judge ourselves and our success by comparison with our colleagues. Try to think more rationally about your situation, without worrying how you’ll look in comparison to your peers.

In your situation, I’d seriously consider relocating to a home office that you can set up to look and feel just the way you want it. Explain the decision to your clients as a move to improve service by cutting out the aggravation and wasted time of a lengthy commute. If you’re still concerned about possible negative perceptions, you might hold an open house or a high-profile appreciation event to thank your clients for their loyalty. Chances are, their positive response will boost your confidence if you need it.

One note of caution: running a home-based business sometimes leads to an erosion of boundaries between work and relaxation. Enjoy the advantages of working where you live, but keep these boundaries firm so you don’t fall into workaholic behavior. Good luck! If you simplify your life in this way, I suspect you’ll be glad you did.

Q: My client couple are both eager to retire while they’re still healthy and active. They can afford it if they downshift to a more frugal lifestyle. However, the wife isn’t sure she’ll be happy giving up her spa membership, luxury vacations, and expensive clothes, even though she’d love to quit her job. Her husband is getting impatient with her foot-dragging. How can I help them?

A: I’d begin by meeting with the wife to explore just how badly she wants to retire and do things with her husband. If she confesses that she isn’t really that motivated, it would explain why she hesitates to give up her cushy lifestyle. In that case you might advise her to keep working, and maybe help her brainstorm ways to make up the income to be lost when her husband retires.

If she does want to join him in retirement, suggest that she review what she might be willing to give up. On a scale of 1 to 5, how important are the various perqs she now prizes? What changes would she be willing to make in order to forge a new post-retirement life with her husband?

Once you know where she stands, you can meet with him individually to fill him in and encourage him to be more patient and supportive of his wife. Then see the couple together. By teasing out the emotional threads of each partner’s fears, hopes, and dreams, I bet you can get this couple to communicate respectfully with each other and become more aligned in their spending choices and life goals.

When you or your clients are faced with the need–or the opportunity–to live more simply, consider the liberating aspects of a less encumbered life. Many of us suffer from the burden of more and more complexity, activity, and “stuff,” which keeps us from understanding what really makes us happy.

In this new year, try to focus more on one or two simple things that truly give you joy. You’re likely to find they don’t cost much and may replace complexity you don’t really need. There’s much wisdom in the words of the old Shaker song “Simple Gifts”: “‘Tis a gift to be simple, ’tis a gift to be free.” And especially in this day and age, “‘Tis a gift to come down where we ought to be.”

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Olivia Mellan, a speaker, coach, and business consultant, is the author with Sherry Christie of The Client Connection: How Advisors Can Build Bridges That Last, available through the Investment Advisor Bookstore at www.invest-store.com/investmentadvisor. She also offers money psychology teleclasses for financial advisors and for the general public. E-mail Olivia at [email protected].