Use FORM to Get People Talking About Themselves

In its simplest "form," FORM is a framework for making conversation with strangers.

This is not a financial planning situation where you're sitting across from someone with a yellow legal pad.

You're at a cocktail party or wedding reception, starting a conversation with a stranger.

FORM is an easy way to gather information without coming across as pushy.

F stands for family.

Let's call the other person Thomas Johns.

Thomas tells you his first and last name. Perhaps you are attending a conference and "Thomas Johns" is typed on his name badge.

You take a guess at his heritage. You think he might be English. He smiles and says, "Good guess," and explains that he's Welsh.

You share your own nationality.

Generally speaking, people take pride in their ancestry.

O stands for occupation.

We know "What do you do?" is a standard icebreaker question.

This freshens up the strategy.

Start by volunteering what you do.

(This is part of the "give to get" approach for gathering information.) You take an educated guess at Thomas Johns' occupation.

He might give you clues. He might wear a tie with logos. He might wear a lapel pin. His name badge might show a company name.

If in doubt, trade up. You might think that Thomas Johns has been unemployed for many years, but, if so, don't announce that.

Avoid suggesting professions or roles with a negative image. Put another way: Don't ask if Thomas Johns is a loan shark.

A pleasant guess should get another smile and either confirmation or clarification.

R stands for recreation.

What does Thomas Johns do for fun? If you're talking to him at the start of the summer, you might ask him about his vacation plans.

People usually enjoy talking about travel, especially in HNW circles.

You can share your travel plans, but that's only one tool in your toolbox. If you've been to Thomas Johns' destination, you can talk about it.

If you've never been there, you can ask him how he chose that destination.

People look forward to vacations and enjoy talking about them.

The Fourth Letter

Let's assume some time has passed.

You've seen Thomas Johns several times at different events. You're cultivating a friendship. You're at the point when he's comfortable with you.

The leads to the last letter in "FORM."

M stands for money.

People are usually cagey about it.

In Asia, there are countries with remarkable stories about how general poverty led to general prosperity. I've heard that, years ago, in some circles, a conversation might start with, "Have you eaten today?" Jump to the present, and the conversation starter is, "How much did you make last year?" I could never do that.

Here's how the strategy for bringing up money works on familiar ground in your local area: You base your question on mutual interests.

Say that you know that Thomas Johns is a father. Say that you're also a parent.

"You told me that you have two children," you tell him. "So do we. They're about the same age. My wife and I have been wondering how we are going to pay for college. We found out about 529 plans. How are you preparing for your kid's college education?"

You identified a problem you might both face.

You brought up the solution you discovered. That solution comes with a path for Thomas Johns to become a client, if he decides to ask questions about college funding.

Bryce Sanders, president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc., has provided training for the financial services industry on high-net-worth client acquisition since 2001. He is the author of the book "Captivating the Wealthy Investor."x