I'm a Client Acquisition Trainer. Here's How I Worked a Room Last Weekend.

Buy the more expensive ticket. Arriving at 6 p.m. puts you in the crowd of heavy hitters. If you choose the “second seating,” the people you want to meet may have already left. 

Dress well. The invitation specified cocktail party attire. This is code for “not black tie.” I pulled out one of my best suits and a great tie. I added a lapel pin of a corkscrew — always a great conversation starter. It’s a lot easier to get to where you want to be if you dress like you are already there.

Bring small bills. The event includes valet parking. You may reconnect with people you met while waiting for your car. You don’t want to be one of those people who doesn’t hand the valet a tip. People are watching.

Know who will be there. The invitation lists the committee and sponsors. You know the professional staff will be there. (A mistake: I should have given this more attention.)

Come with a positive mindset. This is not an event you are required to attend. You might run into people who don’t like you and vice versa, but you might not! Assume everything will work out fine. Smile and expect the best.

Arrive on the early side: Get there before it gets crowded. It is easier to approach people you know or people you want to meet if you don’t need to thread your way through the crowds. Connect when people are fresh.

The first people I met. The first person was a TV personality who runs an auction house. I chatted a bit about the preview receptions he has done and the great food and wine served. (Mistake: I engaged for too long. His wife needed him elsewhere.)

The next person was a fellow running for national office. We chatted a bit about his campaign material. (Mistake: I think he and his wife wanted to circulate more. I made a mental note to tone it down a bit.)

Know the artwork. It is a museum reception. A new show will be opening. The gala raises funds for the museum. You need to check out the artwork so you can make good, insightful comments. 

It's OK to invite yourself in. I saw someone I knew! A retired bank president and his wife. There were empty seats at their table. I initially said hello. It “felt right” so I asked if I could join them, but I needed to get a drink first.

Read the room. This was a setting where everyone wax in high spirits. Nothing too serious was going on. You can easily insert yourself into situations. You can tell if people are talking about business and want to be left alone. In most circumstances, your arrival will be welcomed.

Managing double booking. On the way to the bar I saw another couple I knew. I said hello. I asked if I could join them later because I was going to visiting with someone else first. You don’t want to snub people, so explain the situation. They will understand.

You can learn a lot just by listening. Another fellow joined the group with the retired bank president. He asked great questions. "Do you still have two motorcycles?" "Do you still have the Corvette?"

Estate planning might pop up. The conversation moved to multiple houses owned (them, not us) and which is designated as the primary residence for estate planning purposes. You realize they know what they are doing, but acknowledge this is an issue.

Charitable giving and cash value. While I was listening, the conversation turned to owning an insurance policy where the nonprofit organization is the beneficiary. They described a situation where the policy was purchased and premiums paid, 30 years ago. This was my opportunity to interject that a whole life policy accumulates cash value. The nonprofit might still benefit even if the insured is still with us.

Refresh people's drinks. They served good wine. They had an interesting mocktail too. When I am ready for a refill, I always ask the others around the table if I can bring one back for them. The drinks are free, but it’s a courteous thing to do.

Remark on the wines. Many nonprofit events serve terrible wine. This one did not. One of the two reds was a 2022 vintage Saint-Emilion Grand Cru from Bordeaux. I remarked on it. If the people you are seated with are fellow wine fans, they will pick up on this immediately.

Sat hello to the host. The two people in charge are the chairman of the Board of Trustees and the executive director. I said hello or at least waved. They are busy, but they appreciate acknowledgment. Sending a note afterwards is smart.

Conversations can be short. I sat and chatted with some people. I nodded to others. The group is dynamic. When I would insert myself into a conversation, I realized I was interrupting. It is important to acknowledge the other person and then briefly greet the person you know. They can always ask you to stick around.

Don’t be afraid to ask for names. No one was wearing a name tag. I saw someone who recognized me outside a restaurant a few weeks ago. I said hello and let him know I was “blanking” on his name. He mentioned his first name. I then said I need a last name too! We started talking about the restaurant. Honesty works.

You never know who you will meet. That fellow introduced me to the person alongside him. He is a major philanthropist. I mentioned we were at his home for a charity event years ago. I mentioned enough details so he knew this was true. (The house is isolated, but large enough to have its own sidewalks.)

Talking restaurants. Everyone in this crowd has favorite restaurants. The fellow whose name I forgot instantly started telling the other guy about the restaurant where he and I last saw each other. Talking restaurants is an easy HNW conversation starter.

Talking about travel. HNW individuals travel a lot, especially as they get older. “Where are you off to next?” is a good conversation starter. No need to brag. I simply mention our next travel destination, regardless how far it is in the future.

Sitting with the lonely person. You often see the same people at different events. Seats are filling up, but they are alone. I ask if I can join them. We talk about previous events we have attended. Suddenly almost every seat is taken. Another couple really wants to sit! I offer mine and the lone empty seat at the table. Courtesy is noticed by others. 

You can never thank people enough. You see people who you know from your involvement with other charities. While it is taboo to solicit them at someone else’s event, I think it is fine to thank them for supporting my favorite charity. You can never thank people enough.

Compliment people on their clothing and jewelry. Many people put lots of effort into getting “glammed up.” In my opinion, it is fine to offer a compliment. This can be done for both men and women. They made the effort and appreciate the acknowledgment.

Remember details. I am fortunate in having a good memory for details. (I cannot remember the color of socks I put on this morning, but I remember why I was impressed by your house.) Remembering details makes the other person feel important.

Showcase your knowledge. Articles in ThinkAdvisor teach you a lot. When someone commented on kids in their 20s still getting an allowance from their parents, I could quote a statistic. You are contributing to the conversation.

How do you divide your time? I asked “Do you travel” and the answer was “We don’t.” The couple has three homes in different climates. “How do you divide your time?” If I want to get in touch afterward, this lets me know where they will be and when.

Who is not there? It’s important to take inventory of the room, but also to notice who is missing. You might wonder “Why are they not there?” This might come up in conversation. You can be concerned about people’s health.

Say nice things about absent people. You are taking the high road. Your comments will be reported back to them. You are seen as someone who does not gossip.

It’s OK to have fun at your own expense. We talk about travel. I mention a country we will be visiting. I remark how many days I have to learn how to pronounce the name of the capital. It plays the “travel” card without being obnoxious.

Avoid controversial subjects. No one talked politics, although you could take an educated guess at their preferences. Respect that people are more into having a good time than having an ideological discussion.

The long weekend getaway. It’s another form of travel, the long weekend. Everyone has favorite hotels and restaurants. Let them talk. You learn a lot. This leads into “We must get together next time…”

Don’t talk about “How expensive.” Everyone here takes vacations. They spend lots more than we do. They don’t directly brag. I prefer to mention great deals and how to get them. The pen, paper and iPad came out when I did that! 

Enjoy the moment. One of the canapes was a rolling (actually walking) caviar station. Others passed, but not me! I am here to have fun. I bought a ticket! I will enjoy caviar as long as it’s available. Keep it coming!

Talking in line at the bar. This is a great way to meet people you don’t know. You have enough time to start a conversation, then you break away when you have drinks in hand. You can always catch up again later.

Take photos of canapes. The food presentation is often well done. I take pictures. I explain Jane and I entertain a lot. This gives us new ideas. This lays the groundwork for inviting them over in the future.

Include the spouse in the conversation. Sometimes the acoustics are bad. Other times they are excluded. I always try to use their first name and ask their opinion. This might get you an ally in the future. You will be seen as courteous.

You don’t need to bid or raise your paddle. You have contributed because you bought a ticket. At this event there was a raise your paddle event to acquire a new work of art for the museum. If you were attending a commercial auction, you would set limits. At this event, it is fine to say “If they ask for donations at this ($) threshold, I will contribute.” If they don’t, you can keep your hand in your pocket. There will be other ways you can contribute.

Finally, the last point:

Humility. I was standing in lie for drinks and had a conversation with someone nearby. As we introduced ourselves I mentioned my first name. She mentioned my last name (no name tags) and said: “Everyone is talking about you.”

I have no idea why! We are charitable, but not as generous as others. I am a church lector, but this location is far away. I am involved with other nonprofits. I hope the reasons why she knows my name are positive reasons.

Attending charity events is a great way to meet people and make new friends. Someday they might be clients. They might be able to open doors, too.

If you have a bad experience on the charity circuit, fear not. Even those of us who have been working rooms full of wealthy people for decades are still learning new things every time.