We have some friends who seem to be invited everywhere. If there is an A-list, they are on it. Let us assume that is you and plenty of clients have invited you to dinner at their home during the holidays or said “You must come to our Christmas party!” That party might be at their home or it might be an office party at a restaurant.
Let us look at Do’s and Don’ts.
1. Do show up.
This means you keep an accurate calendar of the invitations you have received. When a host plans a party, they order a certain amount of food and drink. They get RSVPs from people. They might not keep a checklist, but they know who is supposed to be there.
Don’t be a no-show. You might think it is no big deal, but they might be concerned you got into an accident. This gets talked about. It gets remembered too.
2. Do reply immediately.
When you get an invitation, send back your reply quickly. If you wait until the last moment, your cynical friends might assume you were delaying in case a better invitation comes along.
Don’t hold out. If you don’t reply yes or no and don’t show up, your host will be insulted. If you wait until the last minute (or they need to call you) they assume you don’t rank their invite highly on your priority list.
3. Do accept multiple invites.
Certain days are popular for holiday parties. Friday and Saturday are obvious. The two weekends before Christmas are the most desirable. You might get several party invitations. Assuming it is a stand-up drinks party and not a sit-down dinner, it is fine to accept more than one. Check the timing. Let your host know you will be there, but you have another obligation that evening.
Don’t accept multiple invites and skip one of them. This is difficult. You might be having a great time and not want to leave the first party. Remember you gave your word. Your word is your bond.
4. Do arrive on time.
This is important for sit-down dinners. Your host wants everyone present before the first course is served. They will often delay the meal until the late guest arrives. That is awkward.
Don’t assume you can show up whenever. Sit-down dinners are governed by rules. If you arrive late and pretend nothing is wrong, it signals you are not used to this level of entertaining.
5. Do dress to impress.
The holidays are a time for getting dressed up. Often the invitation will spell it out. You can always take off a tie or jacket, but you cannot upgrade a casual look on the spot.
Don’t wear revealing clothing. You dress a certain way for clubbing. Tonight you are getting together with wealthy clients and their friends. You want to come across as successful, a financial advisor who follows their own advice. They are judging you, and your clothing speaks volumes.
6. Do pay it back.
You know people who are “professional guests.” You have heard the expression “They would even attend the opening of an envelope.” They are quick to show up and drink your liquor, but they never reciprocate. If you have been invited, you should plan to invite your hosts to a party, drinks or a meal.
Don’t assume you are invited because of your personality. You are not a celebrity. You are not there because your host is saying “I know important people.” You are there because your host has carefully decided they will invite you closer into their social circle. You need to thank them with an invite.
7. Do leave with the crowd.
We have had parties where one or two guests have no intention of leaving. We even found one asleep on the sofa, glass in hand, the next morning! When the party starts to break up, get your coat with the other guests.
Don’t be asked to leave. It gets awkward for the hosts. They want to clean up, yet feel they need to entertain their remaining guests. Because you are getting attention, you assume it is OK to stay. They would like you to leave.
8. Do interact with your hosts.
This can be difficult if the party is a big one. Upon arrival, seek them out. Thank them for the invitation. When you need to leave, even if it is early and you have another commitment, seek them out and thank them again. You might not get both, but be sure to connect with at least one.
Don’t get accused of “The Irish Goodbye.” This really exists! If you slip out without saying goodbye to your hosts, it is considered rude.
9. Do bring a gift.
Your host is giving you a present. You are invited into their home or event. You are enjoying their food and wine. A tangible thank-you of some sort is expected. This is often called a “house present.”
Don’t arrive empty-handed. This gets noticed and remembered. There might be lots of other house presents, all placed an a handy flat surface. Make sure yours has a gift tag attached.
10. Do moderate your drinking.
This might seem weird. When you are at a client’s house, you are not “among friends.” The other guests are people you do not know. They are friends of your host. How you behave reflects on your host. Your behavior should be more professional, less “sports bar.”
Don’t get drunk. There might be some nondrinkers present. People often assume the way you conduct yourself in your public life is a window into how you conduct your business life. If you are sloppy at parties, they assume you exhibit bad judgment at work.
Holiday parties can be fun. They are also great opportunities to meet people who might be beyond your reach 11 months of the year.
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