The Planning Technique That Helps Clients Argue Less

“My favorite part is seeing a couple's relationship improve through the process,” Bertman observed, noting that fights about money and spending can drive apart even the most loving and close-knit couples. “It’s also meaningful to help people navigate the feelings of shame and uncertainty that come along with examining their spending habits and reach a point of clarity and confidence.”

Bertman founded Family Budget Services more than a decade ago after working in a variety of previous roles in securities analysis and as an investment advisor. Family Budget Services itself grew out of what Bertman described as a failed venture to establish a financial literacy platform for the public.

“I basically built up a whole financial education and budgeting course that people could sign up for, but nobody ended up signing up,” Bertman recounted. “That was a challenging experience for me personally after putting in a lot of work on the platform, but it led directly to the work I’m doing today as part of Focus Wealth Partners.”

Family Budget Services formally became a part of Buckingham Strategic Wealth in early 2024 and was included in its merger with the Colony Group to form Focus Partners Wealth a few months later. Becoming part of a larger organization, Bertman said, has allowed him to maximize the impact of his budgeting platform and process.

“It’s been a really exciting journey over the past two years,” Bertman said. “There’s always some adjustment that comes along with joining a larger organization, but I’m in a great place today. Focus Partners Wealth has a great culture. It’s been a great fit.”

Here are some additional highlights from our conversation, edited for length and clarity.

THINKADVISOR: How did you first get interested in the topic of budgeting and making that a core component of the planning work you do?

ROB BERTMAN: Early on in my career I worked in equity trading before eventually transitioning to be a financial advisor. I wanted to focus on serving middle and lower income families, but the economics of that were really tough, especially since this was before fee-based planning really was a big thing.

That led me to the idea of founding my own business and creating an online financial planning and literacy course. It was all about the basic but important stuff, like tax planning, setting up a basic estate, investment management and retirement. I got a lot of good feedback on the course, but when it actually launched, literally nobody had signed up.

That was a difficult moment for me personally, but it led me on the path to founding Family Budget Services. One of the consistent pieces of feedback I had gotten from people considering the course is that they liked the idea, but they just didn’t have any money left over to pursue any goals beyond meeting their fixed expenses. That included a lot of people who were making a very good living.

It was a big kind of a-ha moment that really underscored the importance of cash flow and just budgeting as a basic building block of financial planning that can make everything else better. So I went full steam into building a firm around the idea of offering a better way to measure spending, make a budget and create space to pursue longer term goals.

Something that was really eye-opening at the beginning was that the people who seemed to most need my services weren’t the people in the lower or middle income group — because they’re already often pretty good at managing their inflows and outflows. Their financial situation is often a lot more straightforward, and they’re able to save in a 401(k) and contribute to Social Security, etc.

It turns out that, as people’s incomes grow, it’s pretty easy to lose focus on how much you’re spending and exactly how your inflows match your outflows. You also see a lot of lifestyle creep and big purchases and there you have it. Suddenly you’re living paycheck to paycheck again or even falling into credit card debt, even though you have a great job and a lot of income. It’s more common than you might think.

THINKADVISOR: Is there a particular wealth level where you see this dynamic start creeping in? And what does it look like for the typical client when they realize their budget isn’t in balance?

BERTMAN: It’s interesting, because yes there is a dynamic where people reach a certain level of wealth and spending and they might go out of their depth, but the actual income level where that happens varies quite a bit. Just look at the fact that credit card debts are at an all-time high. Now, that’s true for lower income and middle income groups, for sure, but it’s also true for the wealthier cohorts as well.

Whenever I meet with clients or potential clients who say they have budgeting issues and want help with that, I start with a few questions. First, I ask them, what do they think the main issue is? Generally, it’s going to be one of two high-level problems. Either their fixed expenses are too high — too much house, too much car, or whatever. They kind of bit off more than they could chew.

The second thing we see is the little expenses are adding up — all the DoorDash orders, the Amazon purchases, luxury clothing, etc. Both categories are a challenge, but you more often find people struggling with the second one. Lifestyle creep is a real thing, and it’s not just about the big house purchase or a new car. Your financial security can also die by a thousand cuts.

There’s also a third common problem where people have made the effort to ensure their spending is at least in line with their income, so they’re not regularly stacking up credit card debt, but then they experience some kind of financial emergency that throws everything out of whack.

THINKADVISOR: Do you find that people in that second category, in particular, feel a lot of guilt or shame about their spending situation? I think that can stop people from confronting the issue in some cases.

BERTMAN: That’s absolutely right. A lot of people we encounter have no problem “opening the books” on their brokerage account, their mortgage, their car loans, their retirement accounts, etc. But when we ask them to see their credit card statement, suddenly there’s a hesitancy.

A lot of advisors out there who work on budgeting take an approach where they’re almost wagging the finger and making people feel bad about their over-spending habits. I really think that’s the opposite approach to what is effective. Yes, we need to be clear that spending can grow out of control, but it’s not some kind of moral issue.

A lot of the time, people feel more shame about not knowing how much they are spending or not having a solid grasp on their actual financial situation. That’s especially common in couples where there is maybe one primary earner or at least one partner who is really in charge of managing the finances.

We can really do a lot to help families in that situation just by doing a solid inventory of spending and getting them committed to more proactive tracking of spending. We often advocate for a weekly check-in that involves both members of the couple, where they open up the credit card statement and talk openly and honestly about the spending. What felt worthwhile and what maybe felt more like a waste?

Through these conversations, we often find that people can make positive decisions and maybe cut back their discretionary spending by 15% or 20%, and that has a meaningful impact on their balance sheet.

THINKADVISOR: Finally, what other budgeting mistakes are you solving for clients, and what else should our readers understand about your process?

BERTMAN: One big mistake people make is that they start budgeting before they actually start accurately tracking their spending. It’s sort of like trying to map yourself to get somewhere without your GPS knowing your current location. So, I always advise tracking spending first before setting a budget.

The other thing is that, when people are looking at how to reduce expenses, most people start with what to cut out first. But I like to do the opposite. I like to start with, what do you want to keep? What are the things that you want to or need to keep?

If we set those aside it helps to eliminate a lot of the arguments and disagreements about spending, because both people get their goodies, if you will. Generally, there are going to be spending categories that both members of the couple are fine with reducing.

The final thing is that making decisions about spending should be done on a dimmer switch, if you will, rather than an on-off switch. You don't have to never go out to lunch. You don't have to never go out to dinner. But if you just cut it back by 20% to 40% per week, that’s great. You are saving more money but you’re still getting to do the things you love.

Pictured: Rob Bertman