Doug and Heather Boneparth: How to Help Client Couples Talk About Money

Douglas, 40, the founder of New York-based Bone Fide Wealth, which manages about $100 million in client assets, specializes in helping millennials and Gen Zers build wealth and save for retirement. Heather, 39, is the firm’s director of business and legal affairs.

In the interview, Douglas reveals his millennial clients’ top priority — “the ability to earn money,” he says — and how he prepares them for sudden big expenses during retirement.

Here are highlights of our conversation:

THINKADVISOR: What are the benefits of couples’ quarterly money checks that you recommend in your book?

DOUGLAS BONEPARTH: Your financial situation will change according to what’s going on in your world. If you aren’t checking in frequently, you won’t have important conversations around finances that allow you to adapt to the way your life is changing.

It's extremely important for couples to be aligned so they can make informed decisions around their money. This is ultimately about their future together and how they should pursue their financial goals.

HEATHER BONEPARTH: When you integrate the meetings with other things you do in your life, the language of money becomes more normal.

You can check your plan in a proactive way, not just address things when they happen but prioritize and [decide] how to make things better.

You talk about the big-picture stuff that’s lurking underneath an acute issue that’s come up.

THINKADVISOR: So, as marriage partners, a meeting of minds about finances is crucial. Is it not?

DOUG: Absolutely. Money isn’t a game you play that you win once. It’s a game you’ll play forever. The game of money isn’t something that will ever go away. It’s a game that will be changing on you.

Talking about their money is hard for most couples. But by doing so regularly, you’re making it easier.

HEATHER: These discussions crack open and get to the heart of what’s going on between two people because beneath the ways we choose to spend money are our values, feelings, our identity.

THINKADVISOR: How can financial advisors facilitate these client-couple check-ins?

DOUG: Advisors who are engaged in financial planning are in a wonderful position to act as a third-party agent for couples to express how they feel around money.

They can assess their money through the planning process. Advisors can guide the conversation and create the space where these feelings and emotions can be reconciled.

THINKADVISOR: Doug, you specialize in serving clients who are older millennials, those in their 30s and early 40s. Where are their heads financially right now?

DOUG: The most important thing to older millennials is the ability to earn money. It’s about their jobs and the labor environment.

The labor market, which is tighter than just a few years ago, is the thing they’re most sensitive to. So the ability to keep income coming in is probably their top priority.

THINKADVISOR: You do retirement planning with your clients, but how interested can they be when they’re focused on having a job right now, not on ending their career in the future?

DOUG: They worry about their jobs because they want to continue to be in a position to save for their financial goals, whether their own retirement or their child’s college education.

For those who are able to save and invest, [zeroing in on] their financial future is very important.

THINKADVISOR: How are older millennials coping with market volatility?

DOUG: They’re desensitized to volatility: An unprecedented event is taking place every month! They can navigate volatility very well.

This generation is really good at being disciplined, long-term investors. The days of stock trading and trying to beat the market, taking that kind of risk, seem to be in the past.

THINKADVISOR: Just for them or among investors in general?

DOUG: Investors generally. You see this in the flows from actively managed products to passive products.

Investors are [adopting] the idea about long-term passive investing. It’s even more well received by millennials and Gen Z.

[People are learning] how to invest and understand that if you stick to your plan, you’ll be able to grow your wealth.

THINKADVISOR: Do you prepare older millennial clients for major financial problems that might occur when they’re in retirement, such as a sudden costly health issue?

DOUG: That’s the power of financial planning.

Common questions from clients are: “What if Social Security isn’t there or is significantly reduced?” We can plan for that. “What if I need to work part time in the later years of my career to make up for the fact that I might not get where I wanted to be financially?”

Whatever obstacle or headwind someone in my generation may think is waiting for them down the road we can model out.

THINKADVISOR: Doug, you have a well-deserved reputation as a funny guy, largely from your humorous posts on Twitter and now X for many years. Is he funny around the house, Heather?

HEATHER: He’s like that all the time. It’s real, not an act. This is what he’s actually like.

THINKADVISOR: Do you crack jokes in your financial check-ins with Heather?

DOUG: Heather is very serious [then]. When she’s there to discuss business, she’s there to discuss business. But I will still be my funny, humorous self.

HEATHER: Talking about money is probably the only time we stop joking and get really serious.

DOUG: My jokes around money and our goals are probably not as appreciated [by Heather] as they are by clients and friends.

In our meetings, I’ll land a joke every now and then. But I’ve pretty much learned that when it’s time for our meetings, Heather means business. And that’s fine.

Credit: Sylvie Roskoff