9 of the Best Investment Jokes

1. If only it was that easy…

Question: What's the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?

Answer: Start off with a big fortune.

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2. An investing analogy

Wanting to make money in the stock market without accepting there will be losses is like waiting to breathe but only wishing to exhale.

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3. Love and marriage go together like …

Roy was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit $200 million.”

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three weeks later, she became his stepmother.

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4. In God We Trust

The most successful investor was Noah. He floated stock, while everything around him went into liquidation.

The most successful female investor was Pharaoh’s daughter. She went to the Nile bank and floated a prophet.

A long-term investment is a short-term investment that failed.

The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.

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5. Is investing about percentages?

Question: Where should I invest my money?

Answer: Put it in booze. Where else would you get 40 percent?

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6. How do you define the market?

Bull market -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear market -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance and the wife gets no jewelry.

Institutional investor -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

Profit -- An archaic word no longer in use.

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7. How many times has pretending helped you?

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the foyer. Hoping to look like a hot-shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started pretending he was working on a big, important business deal.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

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8. I don’t think you know what that means…

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

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9. There are 3 different types of investors:

1. Those who don't know anything.

2. Those who know a little.

3. And those who don't realize they don't know anything!

Source: Greekshares.com